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胖编怪谈:墓地里看大戏

<div><p><img src="http://p1.pstatp.com/large/66b000048a3c6a23db76" width="799" height="615" alt="墓地里看大戏" inline="0"></p><p>据说这是一个真实的故事,发生在山西省刈陵县东南部与河南省林州、河北省涉县接壤的一个三角地带的偏僻山村里。<br></p><p>秃蛋在邻村一朋友家喝罢洒已是后半夜了。看时间不早,又喝了那么多的酒,朋友说:“秃蛋,就在咱家住哇,咱家宽彻,有的是睡觉地方。” “嗳--,你小看老哥我的酒量和胆量?就这斤把洒,能挡住咱回家?笑话。” “那你路上小心噢,瞎灯黑火的。给你把手电筒?” “还拿什么破手电筒,咱习惯走夜路,没事。”五十六岁的秃蛋本来胆子就大,又喝下去一瓶烈酒,胆子更大了。酒气薰天的秃蛋,摇摇晃晃地走在回家的路上。眼前漆黑一片,以秃蛋的记忆,这么黑的夜,是他有生以来没有过的。</p><p>这时正值早春时分,地里都堆上了农家肥准备耕地。山路崎岖,坑洼不平,秃蛋头重脚轻,一脚深一脚浅地往前走。虽然路很不好走,但这条路他从小就走,熟得不能再熟了,即使闭上眼,也不会走错。路边的干草被风吹得沙沙作响,每隔一阵,枯草丛中就响起什么东西窜走的声音。路边的崖头不时有土坷垃滚落下来,“噗吃”一声掉到秃蛋的跟前,就像谁在崖头上和他开玩笑似的。树上有只猫头鹰凄厉地啼叫了一声,秃蛋脑皮一炸,心里莫名其妙地产生出害怕的感觉。活了这么大,在秃蛋的心里,从来没有过“怕”这个字。但今夜,这个字,他遇到了。</p><p>酒后怕吹风,一吹风就醉。秃蛋亦不例外。从朋友家出来时还不太要紧,但受夜风一吹,便觉很是晕晕乎乎,甚至还想呕吐,眼也有些花了。越走,秃蛋的醉意越浓,东一倒,西一歪,走起路来几乎是跌跌撞撞了。行走间,不经意被路上一块石头拌了一下,脚下一个不稳,摔了一跤。这一跤摔下去坏了,浑身发软两腿打颤,竟站不起来了,一往起站,就心烦想呕吐。秃蛋想,他奶奶的,干脆吐吐算了,吐出来就轻松了。于是,秃蛋将两根手指塞进喉咙里一搅,“哇”的一声响,腹内积蓄的酒、菜、饭一下子狂喷而出,冲出老远。</p><p>正在这时,路边高堰上有两个人的说话声嘤嘤传进秃蛋的耳朵里,音虽不高,但字字清晰。一个人说:“老叔,你闻闻,好大的酒气。” 另一个人说:“谁说不是?这酒味真好,咱好久没喝过酒了。” “要不,咱下去看看?”先前那人说。 后者好像在吃吃地狂嗅鼻子,贪婪地嗅着弥漫在夜空中那股强烈的酒气。嗅了一阵才答话说:“行,咱就下去看看。” 秃蛋经这么一吐,还真清醒了。不但清醒了,而且清醒的出奇,眼前情景突然大变,黑暗一扫而光,目击之处,高山、小溪、田地、树林、枯草一一呈现在眼前。就连路上的小石子,车轮碾压过的轮痕,甚至一根枯草,一撮鸡毛,也看得一清二楚。秃蛋大喜,这个办法就是好,没事了,走,回家哇。 站起来刚要走,突然从堰上轻飘飘地跳下两个人来,着地无声。秃蛋扭头一看,这两人他认识,本村的。一个年纪较大,约莫七十几岁,是秃蛋的本家叔。另一个年龄较轻,比秃蛋小三、四岁,住在村东头。</p><p><img src="http://p1.pstatp.com/large/66af00049f60b1c5b567" width="2185" height="1080" alt="墓地里看大戏" inline="0"></p><p>秃蛋吃了一惊,说:“怎么是你们?你,你们不是死了?” “倒是你死了,要不我们还能站到你的面前?”本家叔用手摸一摸满脸的白胡,嘿嘿笑着说。 年轻一些的人小名叫“木疙桩”,个子瘦长,流肩膀,小脑袋,浑身除了皮几乎没肉,棱骨突现,一付永远吃不饱的样子。他与秃蛋虽然隔好几岁,但关系还不错,平时也常在一块喝几口。<br></p><p>木疙桩顾不上说话,爬在地上狂嗅着秃蛋喷出带着强烈酒气的刿物,嗅了半晌,才直起腰来说:“你老哥不够意思,有酒场,也不招呼兄弟一声。啧,啧啧啧。” 秃蛋被眼前的两人弄懵了,难道,是我醉死了?这是在阴间?唉,我喝那么多的猫尿干啥?这到好,喝死了。 看秃蛋发呆,木疙桩拍拍他的肩膀说:“老哥,咱不说这些了。能再见面,是缘分。走吧,今天庙会,有戏助兴,咱看戏去,别想那么多了,没用,既来之则安之。”</p><p>秃蛋一生最大的爱好,就是看戏,他是个实实在在的戏迷,看过之后,很长时间忘不了,记性特好。比如《司马庄》,他就能吼上两嗓:“清早起来堂鼓响,王朝马汉站两旁……”一听说有戏看,秃蛋一下来了精神,大喜,急问:“真的?在那?” “就在村口啊。”木疙桩拉起他的手说:“走哇,看戏去。” 在木疙桩的眼里,突然显现出一丝不易察觉的狞笑。 年长的人一看木疙桩要把秃蛋拉走,脸一变色,怒气立生:“木疙桩,你小子别打什么歪主意,秃蛋可是我的本家侄子,他要有个三长两短,我跟你没完。” “老叔放心,我就是和秃哥看一会戏,完了自然送他回家。” 秃蛋本家叔点点头说:“这还差不多。那走吧,我和你们一块去。” 木疙桩好像要哭出来的样子:“叔,你这是何苦呢。” 说罢,拉起秃蛋,人连动都没动,直着腿,直着身子,说话间,人已飘起来。秃蛋也觉得自己像根鸿毛,轻飘飘的没了一点分量,也随之飘上地堰。</p><p>上了地堰,秃蛋一看,呵,好热闹啊。一块十分宽大的打麦场上,人山人海,熙熙攘攘,有老有少,有男有女,有认识的,也有不认识的,人人喜笑颜开,样子很是开心。正北方搭有一高台,高台之上大幕已经开启,戏还没开唱,但锣鼓却响个不停。戏台两侧的柱子上,写有一幅戏联。左联是:地方不大可国可家可天下;右联是:无多人数能文能武能鬼神。</p><p>在戏台的两侧,有十几个做买卖的小摊子,有卖衣服的,有卖百货的,也有卖钗巴扫帚的,还有不少的饭摊,当地知名小吃如油条、油糕、凉粉、炒饼、肉扯面、开花馍、头脑汤等,应有尽有。一个九十多岁的老婆婆张着无牙嘴,正拿着一个油糕往嘴里塞,一见秃蛋走过来,咧开黑谷隆冬的嘴笑着说:“哟,孩儿啦,你也来了?” 秃蛋愣了一愣,才答话说:“是,奶奶,我也来了。” “没给家里说一声?”老奶奶说着,眼一挤,流下泪来。 “没呢。”秃蛋说:“看罢戏再回去。” “傻孩子,你既然来了,还能回得去?”老奶奶油糕也不吃了,深深埋下头去,雪白的长头发披散下来,几乎捱着地,脸藏在白发里,嘤嘤地哭。 “我说让他回去,他就能回得去,谁也拦不住。”秃蛋本家叔寒着脸,看了看老婆婆,又啾了木疙桩一眼。 “哥,来坐,戏还没开,咱先吃碗肉扯面吧。” 秃蛋本家叔眼一瞪:“吃什么肉扯面?秃蛋,听话,咱不吃。” 秃蛋以前对他这位老叔很是敬畏,在老叔面前,总是规规矩矩,表现的很乖,很听话。这回见老叔生气了,心里一哆嗦:“啊叔,不吃,我不吃。” 木疙桩别了秃蛋本家叔一眼,自言自语地说:“哼,多管闲事!这捱着你甚甚么了?无非是个侄子,又不是你亲儿子。”</p><p>往前走了走,又来到一个凉粉摊上,木疙桩拉着秃蛋坐下来说:“哥,这家凉粉不错,味道极好,吃一碗吧。” “嗯?”秃蛋本家叔怒视着木疙庄说:“你小子,想干啥?” 说着,一把从木疙桩手里夺过秃蛋说:“侄儿,记住,这里的食品,那样也不能吃,一吃就坏事。走,戏开了,看戏去。” 戏还真开始了,唱的是上党落子。 这出戏秃蛋很熟的,剧名叫《骂殿》,唱得是赵二世在潘仁美的挑唆下,谋杀了亲哥,自己当了皇帝。皇嫂带着大太子和赵德芳上殿讨说法,赵二世不让皇位,结果大太子气得碰柱死亡。皇嫂将赵二世和潘仁美一顿好骂,最终赵二世被迫无奈,一口气封了赵德芳八个王爷称号,号称“八王爷”,并赠其一宝锏,上能打昏君,下能打奸臣。看到妙处,秃蛋鼓掌大声喝好。</p><p>正看得如痴如呆时,忽听得有公鸡啼叫了一声。 就这一声鸡啼,唤醒了沉浸在戏中的秃蛋。秃蛋四下一看,眼前的影像全无:戏台没了,戏台两侧摆小摊的没了,赶庙会看庙戏的人没了,本家叔和木疙桩也不见了。左右全是一大片的荒坟,一座连着一座,足有几十座之多。秃蛋斜躺在一座巨大的坟墓旁边,挨着大坟墓的,是一座刚立起来的新坟,看样子人埋葬的时间不算长,光秃秃的一根草都没有,语灵幡还在坟头插着,幡上的白麻纸迎风招展。 新坟头立着一块墓碑,墓碑上分明写着死亡人“木疙桩”的名字。秃蛋吓得亡魂皆冒,跳起身来,拚命地往家里跑。打那以后,秃蛋再也不敢醉酒,更不敢在后半夜走路了。</p></div>', groupId: '6526416719278244360', itemId: '6526416719278244360', type: 2, subInfo: { isOriginal: false, source: '白胡子怪叔叔', time: '2018-02-26 07:34:22' }, tagInfo: { tags: [{"name":"潘美"},{"name":"赵德芳"}], groupId: '6526416719278244360', itemId: '6526416719278244360', repin: 0, }, has_extern_link: 0 }, commentInfo: { groupId: '6526416719278244360', itemId: '6526416719278244360', comments_count: 2, ban_comment: 0 }, mediaInfo: { uid: '53179458453', name: '白胡子怪叔叔', avatar: 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邪恶漫画排行榜
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